The end of an era

Well, we're nearing the end. We graduate in just sixteen weeks.

I started this blog in July of 2009, a few months before I moved back across the state to pursue a second bachelor's degree. I remember feeling lost and disappointed that summer. I had graduated a few months before and I couldn't get the jobs I was qualified for with a B.A. in Technical Writing because no one was hiring. I also couldn't get the jobs that high school had trained me for (as in your local coffee shop) because those employers don't like employees with more education than most of their managers.

In the meantime, Rob schlepped through each morning working retail and each night pushing resumes at law offices. Eventually, he decided that the only answer was a big change of plan: an engineering degree. So as he prepared to leave, I decided to stay behind and work on a Masters in Teaching (MIT). But the prospects were pretty wretched. I volunteered at several local schools for months and the only big revelation I had was that most public school teachers are miserable. Countless teachers told me that I was making a huge mistake; in their own way, each of them said, "Get out while you still can."

Getting through a bachelor of science degree has been the most rewarding and miserable task I have ever attempted. I am an entirely different person now. I approach problems, in life and in the academy, with a scientific eye. I have learned what it means to be truly disciplined. Likewise, I have been profoundly humbled by the quality and amount of knowledge I have briefly been allowed to see. I am more secure in myself as a person, as a woman and now, as a scientist, because I have done something I never thought I could do. If someone had said, "Could you pass organic chemistry, biochemistry and calculus?" three years ago, I would have laughed in their face. Now the answer is, "Yes."

Those are the rewarding aspects of the past three years. But note, I also said miserable. Earning a degree like this as a post-baccalaureate is hideous. There are no electives, no fun classes. It's just semester after semester of enormous course loads; every class some new, painfully difficult scientific subject.

I joke that every pound I have gained throughout this degree represents the completion of an organic chemistry synthesis problem or the memorization of the enzymes in a biochemical respiratory pathway. But as every woman knows (unless she simply doesn't care, of course) gaining weight sucks.

I've put on fifteen pounds since I started this degree and when I began, I was actively working to lose weight. I've watched as friends, family and acquaintances have shed pounds since 2009, while I've only gained weight. While I'm happy for anyone who is successful in reaching their physical goals, it's hard to see other women enjoying the perks of weight loss (flattering new clothes, cute pictures, adventurous date nights) while I trudge through each day at a weight I'm not satisfied with. When you're mind is working as hard as mine has worked, it's almost impossible to control your weight. And I'm speaking as a vegan who eats mostly whole foods, with junk food that is under a low predetermined fat content. I've learned through experience that stress makes your body store excess weight.

And lest I forget, the 60 hour weeks have come with a slew of health issues. While I won't talk specifics to preserve some privacy, I will say that stress has a way of creeping into parts of your body you wouldn't expect. Dealing with the health, weight, money and school issues of the past three years has been, as I said, miserable.

But this post is meant to mark the nearing end of something that, overall, has been good. I'm glad things haven't been easy. I firmly believe in the cliche about only the hard stuff being worth something. And in contrast to the much darker events of my teenage life, these past five years have been a cake walk.

Rob and I are now working very, very hard to get in shape. We're doing the work out (almost) every day, eat light, drink tea-not alcohol thing and so far, one week in, it's working quite well. Six months from now, we'll be married and I will be in a bikini, sipping whiskey on the rocks whilst reclining on the beach in Maui. And damnit, I will be thin. Size six at the teenager stores thin, which is pretty itsy-bitsy on my almost 5' 9" frame (my size 2-4 high school days are over, since I no longer replace food with things I can't talk about).

Anyway, it's time for the gym. I think we're making fresh Thai spring rolls tonight, filled with mung bean sprouts, carrots, Chinese cabbage and peanut sauce. Three day weekends are amazing.